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Here's the job that that fawning, ratfaced swineherd Chico Mussolini applied for:

Pharmacoeconomic Research

Reporting to the Head, Pharmacoeconomic Research and working closely with Business Development, Marketing, Clinical Reearch and Health Economic professionals, you will design, analyze and report pharmacoeconomic studies. You will undertake Canadian economic and quality of life analyses, concurrent with clinical trials, to support submissions to Canadian health care decision makers.

You must possess advanced knowledge of pharmacology, experimental design and statistical concepts. You have the proven ability to contribute at a senior level in a multidisciplinary, corporate environment. A commitment to expanding your knowledge of pharmacoeconomics, statistical analyses, business concepts, and medical and legal issues as they relate to the successful marketing and utilization of pharmaceuticals is an asset.

Please send your resume, in confidence, to:
Human Resources
Glaxo Canada Inc.
7333 Mississauga Road North
Mississauga, Ontario
L5N 6L4

Here's his letter, the glue-sniffing, scabrous gasbag:

Enclosed please find my resume, in response to your search for a Pharmacoeconomic Researcher.

My solicitotelephonic background, which may seem inconsistuary to the vocationodiscipline of Pharmacoeconomics, nevertheless preparatoquipifies me with a leg up over applicationists from the more typicococonventional pedantocurricular persuasions, in that I have absorptiogleaned a more povertous, streetlevel brand of proclivitoinstincts during my apprenticeship. Thus, I can shine in the Economic part as I pick up on the Pharmaco bits.

I am welcoreceptive to an interviewson in responsation to my enquiry, and respeculatively await your promptular call.

Yours sinceriably,

Chico Mussolini

Fortunately, the wise people at Glaxo Canada Inc. had the good sense not to reply.


  October 23, 1999


copyright Don Magor 1999, 2000 all rights reserved