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Here's the job that that ugly, hyphenated little pimple Danny Stord-Steen-Becker applied for:

A Joint Venture

PCL-AKER STORD-STEEN-BECKER (PASSB), a joint venture was formed specifically for the Topsides Wellhead Module contract with respect to the Hibernia Development Project.  PASSB has an immediate opening located at the Construction Site at Bull Arm, Newfoundland for a


The NDT SUPERVISOR is responsible for the coordination and supervision of all NDE Disciplines as well as providing overall direction to the NDT Department.

Applicants must have a minimum of five (5) years related experience in a supervisory capacity and possess a CGSB, Nordtest, PCN, or ASNT Level III Certification in Ultrasonics and Radiography.  In addition, candidates with a Level III certification (CGSB, Nordtest, PCN or ASNT) in Magnetic Particles and Dye Penetration are preferred.

Qualified applicants should forward their resumes to:

P.O. Box 555
St. John's, Newfoundland
A1B 3T2

Attention: Mr. Cubby Spanzers
Human Resources Manager

Here's his letter, the fish-faced card-marking creep:

Enclosed please find my resume, in response to your search for an NDT Supervisor.

What a coincidence!  You must be the East Coast relatives that Mom speaks of so warmly.  In case you don't know, she is the former Phyllis Pcl-Aker, who married Elroy Stord-Steen-Becker (Trevor's brother, of course!) when she was barely nineteen.  I was quite innocently the catalyst for their hastily-planned nuptials, having been conceived in the back seat of a 1975 Dodge Dart.  I'm proud to claim the distinction of being Canada's first Pcl-Aker Stord-Steen-Becker Joint Venture.

And what a pleasant surprise to learn that you are seeking an NDT Supervisor!  The fact is, I majored in NDT at East Lampshade City College.  I finished in the top half of my classes in CGSP, PCN and ASNT (level IV).  The Magnet Particles and Dye Penetration were a bit of a headache for me, because I could never remember if macaroni was magnetic.  But I passed!

It's unlikely that you know the Pcl-Akers, since most of them moved back to Sweden in the seventies.  But give my warmest wishes to Dad's side: Trevor, Delia, cousins Arthur and Jennie (or is she still Johnnie?) the twins (have they been separated yet?), and of course the famous Mitch, who makes us all proud with that thing with the pancakes and cobras.  I hope I haven't left anyone out.

By all means, drop me a line about the Supervisory position.  It sounds appealing, and will get me back into the swing of things.  And if Delia hasn't had you over for her wonderful meatballs and scones, I'd be delighted to set it up so you can meet everyone.

We're family, Cubby!  Don't be a stranger!

Yours sincerely,
Danny Stord-Steen-Becker

Fortunately, the wise people at PCL-Aker Stord-Steen-Becker
had the good sense not to reply.


  September 9, 1999


copyright Don Magor 1999, 2000 all rights reserved