Here's the job that that perverse, crapulous, bedsore little trollop Pru Van Doo applied for:
British Columbia Buildings Corporation, a progressive Crown Corporation that provides accommodation and related services for Ministry clients, is seeking a Facilities Planner. The incumbent will be accountable for producing space and functional programmes, preparing prefeasibility studies which require the creation of conceptual designs and economic analysis. Applicants must have a professional qualification, preferably in Architecture, and experience in the preparation of complex facility programmes, conceptual designs and economic evaluations.
The successful applicant will possess excellent verbal and written communicationn skills and the demonstrated ability to deal effectively with senior level clients and regulatory agencies.
Please send applications to
Human Resources Department
PO Box 1112
Here's her letter, the self-indulgent, rankling, farting troll:
|Enclosed please find my resume, in response to your search for a Facilities Planner.
You're in luck. I'm an old hand at this. My husband Dru and I just re-did the facilities in our place last Spring, and I have to tell you that things turned out beautifully. It's just a small, L-shaped room next to the stairs, but with limited space it takes a pretty skilful hand to get things in just the right spot. After all, you don't want to be pinching a loaf while a loved one is not two feet away, lathering up God-knows-what in the shower stall. Cleverly placed mirrors add dimension without compromising one's privacy, and a host of pastel towel loops in Spring colours give the entire project a touch of casual elegance.
It's this sort of attention to detail, and to people's sensitivities that put me miles ahead of the pack in qualifying as your new Planner. Give me the job, and you'll have a row of cubicles in the Legislature in no time. Many of the things that are passed during a regular sitting could not possibly be bills, and would more properly be dealt with in facilities that flush. In any case, I'm sure our Provincial movers and shakers would occasionally welcome a chance to move and shake in private.
Yours in search of The Perfect Parliamentary Potty,
Pru Van Doo
Fortunately, the wise people at BC Buildings Corporation had the good sense not to reply.
October 22, 1999
© copyright Don Magor 1999, 2000 all rights reserved