that smarmy, underhanded twit Venison Wong

Psychologist

Description: As part of a multi disciplinary team, the successful applicant will be expected to provide mental health services in the areas of clinical assessment, treatment and consultation.

Qualifications: Minimum - Master's degree in Social Work or Psychology with at least 5 years related experience. Preferred - Doctorate in Psychology.

Send Resume To

Estelle Poptart
Assistant Director
North Peace Community Resources Society
10251 100th Avenue
Fort St. John, BC
V1J 1Y8

Dear Dr. Poptart:

Enclosed please find my Curriculum Vitae, in response to your search for a Psychologist.

Forgive my tardiness in applying for this position, well after the closing date. I had fully intended to write earlier, but with the condo rot putting us in the poorhouse, and with my wife Pam’s crying jags giving her fits lately, it’s been a madhouse. It just seems that there’s no way to get out from under.

By now, I would assume you have already filled the position. But has he (she) worked out? Or have you found yourself in a real jackpot with some devious individual who has managed to pull the wool over your eyes during the interview process? Let’s use our professional skills here, and lay the cards on the table. I see it this way: Fort St. John is smack dab in Canada’s dumpster. Flies and moose live there, and they are culturally more advanced than most of the residents. If I were the shady little sneak that you hired (let’s say), then I would seek out a thinly populated town in the boonies, weasel my way into a comfy job in a government-funded clinic, and set up shop. I would park my skirted double-wide mobile home in Downtown Nowhere, plant a rusty Dodge in the front yard, and knock back the local Screech while daisies and weeds grow out through the grille. Not a bad gig.

Not to feather my own nest, but let me remind you that you still have a way out of this pickle. The law permits you to dump the imposter in no uncertain terms, as long as you act quickly. Tell the filthy liar that there’s been a mistake, and you can probably ditch the little creep with just a handshake, a week’s pay, and a quick body search to root out missing staplers and the like.

I’d suggest letting the dust settle for a week or two before I begin work, and give "our hero" a chance to get as far away as possible. Then Pam and I can take good close look at the double-wide, and see if it has possibilities. By the way, my Pam is eager to resume her career as one of the cheerful, friendly clerks at the Motor Vehicle Branch. Can you put in a good word for her at the local office? We'd be very grateful.

Yours truly,

Venison Wong

Fortunately, the wise people at North Peace Community Resources
had the good sense not to reply.