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Here's the job that that shrunken weenie Wade Barefoot applied for:


As the Bull Market continues to rage on, prestigious brokerage firms in Toronto, New York, Chicago and Vancouver are continually sourcing for Star Matadors.

Leverage your career by exploring your options in Retail and Institutional Sales, Bonds, Commodities, and Sales Management.

To initiate a discreet discussion, please contact:

TechHi Consultants Limited

Here's his letter, the hopeless, pasty-faced craptart:

Dear Mr. Fortune,

I am itching to be sourced, and you seem to be just the kinds of bulls that could leverage my career to the maximum allowable by law.  By all means, take the reins and source me.

This upwardly mobile stuff is really addictive.  My "special person" Pam and I ventured into the heady world of Canada Savings Bonds last year, and the rush was indescribable.  Every month for twelve months we walked the wire, knowing that another $35.84 would be deducted from her paycheque, identified only as "CSB".  The whole time, we were in a nether world.  What did the future hold for us?  I tell you, I have never in my life felt more Oneness with God.  I am a Matador. A STAR Matador!

Does our discussion have to be discreet?  Right now, I don't care if everyone knows.  I'm ready to drop everything and do whatever you suggest.  Tell the world and source me now, right the heck into one of those prestigious brokerage firms.  I'm ready!

Enthusiastically yours,
Wade Barefoot

ps: Do those prestigious brokerage firms have Dental?  My Pam needs a little bridgework, and we'd like to get it done by a real dentist.  Please advise.

pps: TechHi isn't one of those companies we see on 60 Minutes, is it?

Fortunately, the wise people at TechHi had the good sense not to reply


  September 9, 1999


copyright Don Magor 1999, 2000 all rights reserved